Five questions for a relationship check in

Spice Up Your Love Life: A playful approach to your relationship evolution

Photo of a couple kissing intimately in the sea

Photo by Edward Eyer

3 min read

Feeling like your relationship needs a little TLC? Dive into our five-question check-in for couples with fun and expert-approved tips. Can your relationship go from good to great?

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, relationships can sometimes take a back seat. They require the right balance of attention, care, and love to thrive. But how can you ensure your relationship is growing as beautifully as you hope?

Think of yourselves as the gardeners of your relationship, ready to nurture and guide your love life. Here are five fundamental questions for your relationship check-in, sprinkled with expert insights, and peppered with some fun exercises to keep your connection blooming.

  • Question 1: How are you both really feeling?

    In a world of quick texts and surface-level chats, delve into each other’s world. As renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman advises, “Knowing each other’s inner worlds is the key to love.”

    Ask, “How are you feeling today, really?” Grab a glass of wine, cozy up on the couch, and take turns sharing your innermost emotions.

    Fun Tip: Try this fun emoji exercise – each pick three emojis that represent your day. Decode the emotions behind them, and you might be surprised at the conversation that unfolds.

  • Question 2: What goals are you aiming for together?

    Are your dreams and desires still aligned? As Esther Perel, the relationship therapist, suggests, “Desire thrives on the unexpected.”

    Discuss your aspirations and create a shared vision. This could be planning a dream vacation, saving for a home, or mastering a new hobby together.

    Fun Tip: Use Pinterest to create a shared vision board. Pin images and ideas that inspire your dreams together.

  • Question 3: How’s the intimacy department?

    It’s important to keep the fires of desire burning. As Dr. Ruth Westheimer, renowned sex therapist, emphasizes, “Good sex is not about the size, it’s about the connection.”

    Are you both satisfied in the bedroom? Discuss your sexual desires and boundaries, ensuring that both of your needs are met.

    Fun Tip: Play the “Sexy Alphabet” game – each of you takes turns picking a letter of the alphabet and coming up with a steamy word that starts with that letter. Who knows where this game will lead!

  • Question 4: What irritates you about each other?

    As much as you love each other, there are always little things that can grate on your nerves. Share these, but do so gently. Remember, it’s not about criticism; it’s about understanding each other better.

    Fun Tip: Write down those little annoyances on separate pieces of paper and have a “complaint swap.” Swap papers and discuss them with empathy and humor.

  • Question 5: How can you improve your communication?

    Communication is the glue that holds a relationship together. As Dr. Harville Hendrix, a renowned couples therapist, suggests, “Conflict is growth trying to happen.”

    Discuss your communication styles and find ways to make it better. Ensure you’re both speaking the same love language.

    Fun Tip: Try “Mirror Communication.” Sit facing each other and take turns mirroring what the other says. This deepens your listening skills and understanding.

As the unofficial gardeners of your relationship, we believe that these questions, sprinkled with expert insights, can help your love flourish.

Remember, just like a garden, your relationship requires effort, attention, and care. Embrace these questions, nurture your love, and watch it bloom.

So, get started with your next relationship check-in.

In the grand dance of a relationship, it’s important to remember that our individual well-being significantly impacts the quality of the duet. When we’re dealing with personal struggles, whether it’s stress at work, health concerns, or other life challenges, it can become increasingly difficult to meet our partner in the middle. Think of it as trying to dance gracefully when you have two left feet. So, before you focus solely on the partnership, take a moment to ensure your own rhythm is in sync. After all, a happier, more balanced you often leads to a happier, more harmonious ‘us.’

Struggling with your sexuality? Try our questionnaire.

Or listen to some sexy podcasts by Lisa O. herself.

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