Cunnilingus: how to improve your oral sex game!

What about pubic hair in my teeth?
Come on, it’s no biggie. Like any other situation when we are sexual, humour is the most important part. So you’ve got a pubic hair between your teeth? So what. It’s your partner’s choice what they do with their hair and so take a minute, remove the hair and back you go. You don’t need to comment on it, have a giggle by all means and say “Just a sec,” but don’t make them feel uncomfortable in a situation where they are already giving you all their trust.

Am I doing cunnilingus right?
You don’t get score charts during it. You’ll know if you’re doing it right depending on your partner’s reaction. If their hips are moving away from you, ask them if it’s ok what you’re doing. If they are closing their legs they may be experiencing pain. Ask, ask, ask. Communication will help you figure it out and when you’ve made all those experiences, you’ll soar the next time you visit downtown.

Try things like; “Is this the right amount of pressure?”, “Do you like me using my fingers too?”, “Do you prefer me doing this (insert action) or this (insert action). Or both?”

Oh, and if you make your partner hit that high, please know that the clit is pretty sensitive after orgasm so take it down a notch.

How long do I do it for?
Again, there’s not a set amount of time for doing this. Some like it as a way to get wet before intercourse or insertion of a toy. Others like it as a main course. Be aware of how long YOU can do it. It’s quite a workout for your tongue. If your partner does like it as a main course, think about using toys and your fingers to switch it up and give your tongue a break.

You can also always revisit oral. If you’re starting to cramp or it feels forced, let your partner know or re-position. Re-visit when you’ve had a break. Whilst clitoral orgasms are the most common in vulva-owners, it can still take 20–45 minutes. I don’t know about you but licking an ice-cream cone for 45 minutes is probably going to leave me with a very sore tongue.

What if my tongue starts cramping?
Um, stop. And consider not doing it for so long next time. Or google tongue strengthening exercises. Either way, chill a little.

You’re strange if you don’t like giving it
Society has us believe that a man that gives oral sex is in some way emasculated. Pish. We are tearing down the walls of gender piece by piece and day by day so please don’t be discouraged because of somebody else’s views.

Ofcourse, if it has not had the desired effects in the past then you may be disheartened to go for a second round. But like with anything; if at first you don’t succeed, nuzzle your face back in and try again!

THE RECEIVER

Are they judging my labia?
Ugh- we’ve all been there. Do my labia look strange, are they different, what is the norm? Unless you’re experiencing pain due to long labia, chances are you are just beautiful as you are. Labia come in so many shapes and sizes, like peni, people and so on. It can be daunting exposing yourself to someone but just know: if they make you feel less than a goddess when they approach your gorgeous temple down there, say goodbye to them. You don’t need that energy in your life.

Having said all that; sexual health comes first. Using a mirror, have a regular check down there and watch out for changes that could indicate cysts, change of skin texture or colour or sensitivity.

You’re strange if you don’t like it
How many times have I heard that receiving oral is the non-plus ultra; the ultimate feminist act. Honestly, if you don’t like it; say it! I wasn’t a fan for a long time. Turns out I didn’t relax enough, the partners weren’t my cup of tea and I wasn’t expressing what I liked and disliked enough.

If you prefer a toy, fingers or just good old penetration then say it. Otherwise, communicate openly and perhaps a whole new world will open for you.

But whatever you decide; you know best. And anything else is just pants opinions from opinionated Karens.

Will drinking pineapple juice make it smell different?
Your smell is your smell and please, for the love of your PH, don’t experiment with perfumes, lotions, potions or anything else. Your vagina regulates itself and everyone has a different smell (depending on what you eat, your hormones and many other factors). Please don’t use anything other than water to clean down there. And with water I mean washing externally. If someone suggests a douche to clean you from the inside please educate them on how dangerous this is. Also; if you consider steaming your vag, don’t. This can cause thrush and all sorts of other health problems. Honestly, watch The Bold Type and you’ll see the discomfort Jane suffers following her vagina facial: “vajacial”.

Again, make sure you see a health specialist if you do notice a change in smell, discharge or other.

And if you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious but still want to try it, try a silicon-free lubricant with a flavour. That’s what they’re there for!

What if I’m menstruating?
So I’m not a fan at all. My menstruation is my time-out. My snatch needs a break after all and with all the symptoms I’m experiencing I want to curl into a ball and hide under the blankets. But if you’re comfortable with it and your partner is keen to please, there are options. You can go for the vampire facial; I’ve never heard from any of my friends that they have done this. 

Alternatively, you can try menstruation sponges which act like a tampon. Or a menstrual cup. It is proven that orgasm decreases period pains. But always remember; only do what you’re comfortable with. And: you can still transmit STIs.