SEX QUESTIONNAIRE

This questionnaire has no answers or results defined by ME. It will however make you think about your sexuality and perhaps answer questions you didn’t know you wanted to explore.

There is no right or wrong.

Write things down and re-visit them if you like.

This is about getting to know yourself as a person in regards to the topic female pleasure.

The following five areas are relevant when we think about our sexuality. Bear these in mind when you ask the following questions. They may influence your answers.

• Sensuality
• Intimacy
• Sexualisation
• Sexual health & reproduction
• Sexual identity & gender

SEXUAL PAST:

1. What was your sex education like? 
2. Did your parents explain sexuality to you? 
3. How did you feel about your body and pleasure growing up? 
4. Are there religious or cultural reasons your sexuality has evolved in a particular way? 
5. What were your past relationships like? Name one where you felt happiest (regardless of whether current or not) and one where you felt unhappiest.

SEXUAL VALUES:

Evaluating your boundaries and perhaps also areas you would like to explore is relevant to your future course in terms of pleasure. With each of the following “acts” consider whether they are something you do not wish to explore, wish to explore with a partner, wish to explore alone or have explored and wish to do more of. These are YOUR boundaries and WISHES.

1. Intercourse
2. Petting
3. Heterosexuality
4. Homosexuality
5. Masturbation (as a couple and individually)
6. Oral sex
7. Foreplay
8. Affairs/adultery
9. Sadism
10. Masochism
11. Fetishes/Kinks (this is broad but needs to be approached individually, check out my ABC of most common kinks here)
12. Anal sex

SEXUAL FUTURE:

1. What is important for you in a relationship?
2. What would you want to do differently in a future relationship (or your current relationship)?

A great exercise:
Imagine your perfect day with a partner on an intimate, physical and emotional level. Perhaps write down how it would go, what would turn you on. This ideal imagination isn’t far-fetched. It’s how your pleasure works.

FEMALE PLEASURE:

1. How does pleasure feel to you?
2. What has pleasure felt like to you in the past?
3. What would you like pleasure to be?
4. How important is pleasure for you?
5. How often do you want to experience pleasure? With yourself? With someone else?
6. What challenges do you face when you think about your pleasure?

SELF PLEASURE:

1. First words that come to mind when you think of your genitals?
2. How often do you masturbate?
3. What do you usually masturbate to?
4. What is the main reason why you masturbate?
5. What types of orgasms have you identified as having had before? 
6. Which kind of orgasm are you interested in having?
7. Have you identified the four stages of your orgasm before: excitement, plateau, orgasm and finally resolution?

A great exercise:
Whilst pleasuring yourself, take a break every now and then and check in on yourself: Do you feel tense? More excited? Sweating or shaking more? What’s turning you on? Where is it tingling? The better you get to know your pleasure triggers, the more you are able to play with them.

YOUR BODY:

1. Which parts of your body do you like?
2. Which parts of your body do you have a more difficult relationship with?
3. How do you feel about someone touching you?
4. Do you have places you don’t like to be touched? Why?
5. Do you have places you enjoy very much to be touched?

A great exercise:
Explore your sensual side by taking photos of yourself. The easiest way to do it is to wear something you are comfortable in (maybe even feel sexy in) and position your phone, turn video on and then try different poses. Afterwards, when viewing the video, take screenshots of poses you like and where you feel sensual and sexy.

STIMULATION:

1. Where do you enjoy stimulation? All over your body? Specific areas?
2. What kind of stimulation do you enjoy? Pressure? Tickling? 
3. How do you like the stimulation to be distributed? IE start all over and become more punctual or straight to a specific area etc.

SEX TOYS:

1. Do you use toys?
2. What are your reasons to use / not use toys?
3. Do you use toys alone or with a partner?
4. What toys do you enjoy?
5. What sensations do you want to feel? Vibration? Penetration?
6. How do you want to use your toy? What do you want to accomplish? Orgasms? Build up stamina? Ease boredom? 
7. What about aesthetics? A particular colour? Long? Short? Thick? Narrow? Shiny? Funny? 
8. What material excites you? Glass? Metal? Silicone? This also decides what lube you will need (and get lube)
9. Batteries or no? There are also chargeable toys. Do you want to use it in the shower or not?
10. How will you clean your toy? Always consult with the manufacturer or read the pamphlets.
11. How much do you want to spend? The sky is the limit.

PHYSICAL HEALTH:

1. Medication: consider the effects of medication (also contraception) on your mood and physical health
2. Hormones: peri- and menopause have an effect as do various health circumstances
3. Pain: If you are experiencing pain you should visit a health professional

MINDSPACE:

It is interesting for us to find out what that triggering moment is that gets us in the mood. Are you someone who needs physical touch? Or is it your mindspace that needs stimulation? These questions are for those of us where it begins in our minds.

1. What gets your mind in the mood?
2. Do you feel arousal when watching others in sexual acts or forms of intimacy?
3. Does your partner’s body turn you on?
4. Does watching yourself in the mirror get you in the mood?
5. Does erotica (of any form) spark your fancy?
6. What is a libido killer for your mind? EG some people don’t like talking or too much communication. 

COUPLE / RELATIONSHIP:

First of all, let’s dive into communication as a couple:

1. How much sex do you want to have and how soon in a relationship?
2. Disclosing the amount of partners: yes or no?
3. Use of condoms: for what?
4. Testing for STIs: when?
5. Sharing sexual fantasies: are there any you want to share and when would you want to?
6. How comfortable are you with your partner asking for sex?

Now for intimacy and non sexual touch:

1. Do you enjoy your partner hugging, kissing, caressing you?
2. What is important for you to remain intimate with your partner?
3. Do you know you and your partner’s love language?
4. Before a sexual act, do you need to talk about what you’re feeling in general at the moment to clear your mind? (this is emotional intimacy)

Introducing touch and exploration in your relationship:

1. Sensate focus: when did you last explore your partner’s body? 
2. Pleasure mapping: do you know all the erogenous zones of your partner’s body?
3. Mutual masturbation: have you shown your partner how you like to be touched?

A great exercise:
Sensate focus, pleasure mapping and mutual masturbation are wonderful to “get back in the game” or get things started. They help you explore your body and your partner’s in an intimate and connected way. Plan a date night and try one of them together. The pressure is off as noone needs to perform. It is solely about understanding each other’s pleasure.

In order to establish trust and sexual friction, you need erotic connection:

1. When do you feel most drawn to your partner?
2. Which actions/words from them turn you on?
3. How do they make you feel wanted and desired?
4. What do you need from your partner to feel aroused?