An easy 3-minute guide to sensual domination
with a CHEEX workshop
What are CHEEX Workshops?
CHEEX is a sexual wellness platform that offers inspiring and educational erotic content in video, audio, and blog format.
Last night, CHEEX had another of their spectacular, educational and inspirational workshops! Mary Supial and Nina Sever invited us into their most riveting energies and led us through what sensual domination means to them.
The last CHEEX workshop with Luna Matatas (How to eat pussy) was spectacular and I had high hopes for the next. They did not disappoint. After an initial personal account of their own histories and experiences with domination they explained the difference between domination and sensual domination. Then they gave us a showing of what it means to sensually dominate (and it was a-mazing).
Domination VS sensual domination
Domination, as society knows it, is the act of a person being dominated and another dominating. Ofcourse there is a vast spectrum of sexual interests which fits into this sub-space of sexual encounters. Whether power play or spanking, domination has diverse outcomes. However, domination is always about calm and confidence.
Sensual domination veers into the spectrum of playfulness, anticipation, sensation play or actually involves no pain whatsoever. No degradation.
Think all sensations and senses triggered, teased and touched.
We are quick to assume that domination (as it stems from BDSM) is all about whips and chains, but you’d be wrong to assume that. There is an immense amount of sexual gratification that comes from surrendering to someone or exuding dominance over someone. This mustn’t always result in orgasm or even penetration, it is more about the mind games.
And so, let’s have the rundown of what sensual domination really entails:
Foreplay/Build up:
- Communication: BDSM and kink play always includes safewords. However, it’s not just about having safewords in case of extreme measures. The communication beforehand can establish many insights into how both are feeling. This is crucial to the play that lies before them. Be sure to ask if they are feeling vulnerable, do they wish to keep certain clothes on, is there an area they do not want touched, is there an area they really do want touched. All these glimpses into their mind space help both partners be aware of how to play, tease and succumb to trustworthy sensual domination.
- Atmosphere: lighting candles seems so cliché, but making the space you are going to spend quality time with each other exciting or calm helps you tune into each other. Choose music, have a nibble or dance for a moment to connect to your partner. If your minds are in the same space, you are more likely to know what to do.
- Intention: this is a difficult one at first but gets easier over time. The intention is your goal during play. For example, you want the submissive to de-stress, achieve a certain act (see Discipline, Darling for an example), make a certain noise. Or perhaps more egotistically, the dominant partner wishes to reach mental orgasm.
How to be a sensual dominant?
First off, you are not putting on an act, nor a costume, nor a weird voice. Let’s get that clear. Nor are you engaging in acts that you don’t want to do. And particularly not acts your partner wants you to do (that would be bottoming from the top).
Instead, you need to find that place between play and serious that appeals to you. And you need to think about what makes YOU hot under the collar.
The sensual dominant can prioritise their wants and needs, this approach comes across as authentic. If you want to practice extreme edging until your sub is begging for resolution then that is your power move.
Don’t go for fear and gear, head towards kink and wink (in the eye).
If speaking puts you at unease, go with short commands instead: “Sit, roll over, kneel, don’t talk.” Just imagine giving simple orders, all following your intention for the session.
Concrete verbal examples and inspiration:
- Are you sure you can take this?
- You’re so wet, what are we going to do with this?
- You just can’t help yourself, can you?
As you can see, it’s more about being cheeky much of the time. But if it doesn’t roll out of your mouth naturally, don’t worry. We can’t all be Shakespeare with a potty mouth in the bedroom! Just do you!
Find your kink.
It could be discipline (more on that in role-play further down) or building anticipation or perhaps even not caring about what your partner wants and using that to heighten your own arousal and play your game.
Don’t forget: you want them to please you and not disappoint.
Think reward and not punishment.
And if you are still on the fence whether you would rather dominate or be dominated, then why not switch? We all have days where we are more likely to surrender to our partner or when we are feeling powerful. Speak to your partner about which role you would both like to take on on a daily basis or from session to session.
Tools and play:
Just to reinforce this, not all physical pleasure has to be sexual. Kink is about intense sensations and we are talking about playing with the entire body and not focusing entirely on genitals or penetration. Often it is not even needed.
We are wanting to exert dominance and pleasure by playing with their sensations sensually.
Physical touch:
- Use soft instruments (make-up brush, feathers, fur, fur flogger, light bondage, ice cubes, massage candles, blindfolds)
- Experiment with extreme edging (teasing them to the point of orgasm and forbidding them from cumming or counting to ten before they are allowed)
- Tease erogenous zones longer than expected (this could be earlobes, around the hip bones and waist, nipples, inner thighs)
- Keep clothing on to heighten anticipation (or put it back on after pulling it down)
- Rough and tough approach: as you heighten their pleasure with softness you might find your partner reacting more intensely to rougher touch. By all means, if you are both comfortable, give them a spank when they are at the pinnacle of their lust but be aware it might also destroy their orgasm!
Mental manipulation:
- Discipline them to keep their eyes closed at all times or have to ask for permission
- Don’t let them make decisions (ask them if they want more but ignore their wishes)
- Go particularly slow to create tension and power play (assert your own pace by telling them to stop being so excited or teasing them with when you will allow them a release)
- If you know your partner well enough, you’ll know what triggers them. This might be saying “good girl/boy” or “You’re looking particularly delicious tonight”.
Role-playing:
To heighten the lust in your erotic mindspace, role-play is a wonderful way to get even deeper into the idea of rewards (often supplemented with punishment in BDSM but works well with sensual domination).
Mary and Nina mentioned the parent/child relationship as a great scenario with the mother taking the strict but loving approach. If the submissive is obedient, they are rewarded.
The submissive:
It is important to add some more info about the submissive at this point, as we often find articles solely on how to dominate. Don’t be afraid to ask your dominant if you may do something too. Be verbal with your desires beforehand but also during (RACK and SSC are self-explanatory as all play can have it’s dangers).
And finally:
enjoy the hell out of each other. In the CHEEX workshop, the sexual energy between Mary and Nina was so intense! You need that to really spark in order to play these games with each other.
Be feral, be disgusting, be gluttonous and eat each other!
And above all, have fun!
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