MUMMYS_COMING

Body & mind and libido

The unison of body and mind is essential for a healthy libido. Our emotions and mood sway any sexy moment from thrilling to chilling.

Interestingly enough in my research the words mindfulness and focus are often repeated. Why? If you’re getting hot and sweaty and suddenly start thinking about the washing, a doctor’s appointment or that mole on your partner’s shoulder that looks ominous, you’re probably not going to feel so sexy anymore. 

Whilst meditation and yoga are great go-tos to increase awareness for your body, mind and needs, you can also begin by analyzing your day to day and also your bodily routine.

Noticing things that make you feel good is a way of shifting focus to give you positive experiences. It needn’t always be sex. In fact, if it’s been a while or you’re constantly losing focus during sex, perhaps it’s time to slow down and rediscover each other with non-sexual practices (see my topic relationship).

Be gentle with yourself. The mind is the most powerful sex organ. There is also a danger of falling into an anxious cycle regarding sex. Intimacy can become a challenge if it makes you anxious. Again, mind and body are not connected.

Our libido needs a holistic approach. Hence my attitude to this experiment, which I hope to turn into a long-term habit and routine. I am ALL IN!

Body Image

I’m happy with my body. My goodness, I weighed almost 100kg at the end of both pregnancies and I’m back to my regular pre-kids weight now.

However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I have one pair of trousers in my wardrobe that I have aspired to fit into again. But it’s ridiculous. Those trousers put so much pressure on me and I look great in all my other trousers.

So, I’m starting the experiment by kicking out all the clothes that don’t make me feel 100%. 

I’m sure you’re familiar with Marie Kondo and the whole movement around minimalism and only keeping things you absolutely love. Where I absolutely agree, unfortunately I love too many of my clothes. So, whilst I will be sorting things, I will also be keeping a lot of them!

In order not to waste them, I will donate accordingly and give away!

Here are some links to experts in the matter who can help you (their instagrams are the go-to unless you’re willing to invest money):

United Kingdom (especially for mums): whatkatysaiduk

Germany (old university colleague of my husbands): Anika Schwertfeger

Marie Kondo (the one and only): on Netflix and https://konmari.com

Time for me

If I’m completely honest, I threw myself into raising our children the past five years. I neglected my needs and dedicated my entire life and time to them. Whilst I don’t regret having given them so much love and attention (they’re fantastic little beings), I do feel I haven’t taught them that I need time for myself too. During the pandemic this made itself painfully obvious. I reached a point where I literally wanted to run out of the house and leave it all behind. 

So we are re-learning together. They are learning I need breaks too, otherwise I turn into „scary mummy“. Yeah, I’ll admit that. I’m only human. We are also re-educating ourselves, that the me-time is sometimes right in front of their faces. I will take my book, sit down with a cup of coffee and have some time to myself. 

This was not possible for me for such a long time. I thought I always needed to be alert, aware, present, available. What a pants way to live. What a silly thing to teach our children.

So: I’m going to break the habit.

Time for me will include:

• shower and get ready in the morning 
• half hour at lunchtime if the kids are home
• plans twice a week whether in the evening when the kids are asleep or during the weekend
• Reading: lots and lots more reading!

Masturbation

There was definitely too little masturbation going on in my life of late. The pandemic allowed me almost no alone time. I hid in the bathroom or behind the cupboard door with my clit suction vibrator whilst the kids watched TV and my husband worked and quickly knocked one out. Whilst it was a great quick relief and buzz, it did not fulfill me.

Masturbation can actually be good for your health, both mentally and physically. And it’s pretty much the safest sex out there — there’s no risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD. When you have an orgasm, your body releases endorphins, which are hormones that block pain and make you feel good. Source: Planned Parenthood

Not only do I need to let go of my one minute wonder medicine with my trusty clit suction toy, I need to rediscover my body again. Alone. In peace and quiet.

One of my biggest no-gos since having kids is my nipples. Although I used to love all sort of nipple play. But let’s be fair: they were not mine for five years of pregnancy boobs and breastfeeding. So before my husband is allowed near them again I need to understand in what scope they can be caressed, kissed and sucked.

So the plan is little sessions such as:

• watching myself naked in the mirror and touching myself, rubbing with oil, rediscovering my skin, sensitivity and body
• New toys! Can you ever have enough toys?
• Porn / Erotica: my own stories do wonders for me (read some here) but what about all those other portals? Time to explore!

Cold shower

My husband has been taking cold showers for quite some time and in the summer I did too. But with temperatures taking a nose dive, this is a tricky one. I’m fine up to the tummy (you know the deal). But I’m adamant I can do this. My kids motivate me as they think it’s hilarious when I sing-song squeal as I go over my tummy!

It has many benefits (if you are healthy and particularly if your blood pressure is ok):

Increased circulation is one of the top reasons experts recommend cold showers. As cold water hits your body and external limbs, it constricts circulation on the surface of your body. This causes blood in your deeper tissues to circulate at faster rates to maintain ideal body temperature. Benefits of taking a cold shower include:

• calming itchy skin
• waking you up
• increasing circulation
• reducing muscle soreness post-workout
• potentially boosting weight loss
• glowing hair and skin

Source: Healthline.

Our mind and body connection needs attention, focus and mindfulness. Until now I treated my body with little to no love. A vessel I hadn’t been nurturing that I expected to function. No longer though. The more I connect with myself, the deeper I can connect with my partner.