Women need women - Hello Skirt Club!
Why the SkirtClub is what female empowerment needs right now!
Have you recently been wondering if you could be attracted to women?
Are you shy and want to rub shoulders with empowered women?
Do you wish you could explore your sexuality?
Let me tell you a story.
When I was barely nine, I sat with my best friend in the changing rooms of her parents’ fitness studio and we tried to figure out how a condom works. Exactly, two nine year olds prodded and poked and at one point we even believed we had to insert it in ourselves! The education system failed us completely.
We prevailed because women are good at talking (especially to other women).
Later on she confessed to me that she had an eating disorder. It made sense. She confided in me. We talked about it but I believe she never quite made it out of that dark time. Unfortunately we lost touch, and many years ago I found out she had passed away. It haunts me to this day. I wish I had talked to her even more.
But what has this got to do with the Skirt Club?
A women-only community offering a safe space for women to explore their sexuality and bask in the company of other women?
Easy. When women are around women, we let down our guard. We no longer aspire to be something we are not, we ask the questions that have been stealing our sleep, we confide in each other, we inspire each other, we value the opinions and gaze of one another.
When women are around women, magic fills the air and not insecurity and the desire to be desired.
That’s part one of why the Skirt Club is what feminine empowerment needs right now: the opportunity to be ourselves around other women, take up space, be uninhibited and carefree.
Secondly, it is time for women to explore their sexuality without being branded sluts, whores, bi-, pan- and the list continues; a multitude of labels that ultimately puts us in neat boxes to make others feel better.
Our society craves labels so people can (un)categorise themselves. So they can say they are not this or that.
Take it from me: being a sexual woman comes with an insane list of FAQs.
From the emotional to the physical level, we are constantly evolving, learning and figuring out what turns us on, what scratches that itch.
More times than not, a woman will find herself asking the question whether she may be attracted to another woman. Whether kissing a friend to impress a boy or actively engaging in their feelings towards women.
The Skirt Club does not ask questions about your sexuality.
Instead, it gives women the opportunity to “liberate their desires” (Skirt Club: Mission & Values).
Hence when you enter these beautiful events complete with welcoming lofts and penthouses, hosts that answer all your queries, assist you with your doubts, fears, nervosity, inhibitions and offer you the opportunity to truly let your hair down and experience yourself in the company of those alike, you finally have the chance to free yourself of all of society’s labels and the gaze of others and just be yourself, explore that hunger and satisfy those needs that have perhaps lay dormant your entire life.
Now to return to those labels though. Here is a short refresher on a few terms you may encounter if you relay the concept of the Skirt Club to others (boxes they might want to put you in).
Whilst I bash labels a little (I believe assumptions about other people’s sexuality to be rather toxic), it does help us with our internal monologue and in talking to others about our feelings.
So: no hard feelings to all those who embrace their labels.
The Skirt Club claims itself to be a club for bisexual women. I believe this is rather modest of them. They are so much more. Although they also talk of those who are bi-curious, I would like to suggest they are the lifeline for those of us struggling with our sexuality and seeking new impulses.
A “safe haven to live out female fantasies at (…) complete discretion” is unique, unrivalled and so important in our time and age.
Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one gender.
Pansexuality is the romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender. Like everyone else, pansexual people may be attracted to some people and not others, but the gender of the person does not matter. People of any gender identity can and do identify as pansexual. (Source: WebMD)
Heteroflexibility is a term used to describe sexual behavior where someone is usually straight but sometimes has sex with people of the same gender. (Source: VeryWellMind)
Describes someone attracted primarily to members of the same sex (homosexual), but occasionally attracted to members of the opposite sex AND/OR able to derive pleasure from romantic encounters with members of the opposite sex.
Homoflexibility is related to, but different from bisexuality in that homoflexible persons most often identify as gay or lesbian, despite occasional relations with members of the opposite sex. (Source: Urban Dictionary)
Pansexuality vs. Bisexuality
Pansexuality and bisexuality are similar, but not quite the same. Pansexuality is broader than bisexuality, and people who identify as pansexual may be attracted to people of all genders. Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, but not necessarily all. People who identify as bisexual may be pansexual, but not necessarily.
Some people prefer to identify as bisexual even if they may be pansexual simply because the term “bisexual” is more commonly recognized. … a pansexual person may be attracted to men, women, nonbinary people, and people of any other gender identity. (Source: WebMD)
Contemporaneous bisexuality is defined as having sexual partners of both sexes during the same time period.
Bisexuality common misconceptions
There are so many misconceptions around bisexuality, which is why many people refer to themselves as hetero as not to have assumptions made around their sexuality. But it can make you feel like you are not truly expressing yourself.
Here are seven of the most common misconceptions (more statistics here).
Myth #1: Bisexuality is just a phase. Nobody stays bisexual.
Myth #2: Bisexuals are greedy and need to be with a man and woman at once.
Myth #3: Bisexuals don’t exist.
Myth #4: Bisexuals are promiscuous.
Myth #5: Bisexuals are more likely to have sexually transmitted diseases.
Myth #6: Bisexuals are accepted within the gay and lesbian community.
Myth #7: Everybody is bisexual.
Please be courteous in your first impression but also your second and third. Most people will surprise you. When in doubt, read up about it.
Bisexuality and marriage
There are many women who live in a monogamous hetero relationship that have informed their partner of their bisexuality. This is not for them.
This is for those women in a relationship that are bi-curious. That, for whatever reasons, have decided to explore their attraction to other women.
Here are a couple of thoughts before you go announcing your feelings to your partner and joining the Skirt Club:
No sudden movement
What does that mean? If you’ve just started thinking about the possibility of being attracted to other women, or even if you’ve toyed with the idea for a while, think through how you are going to approach the subject with your partner. Find the right time, the right words, think of how that person might react. This is not something to blurt out while getting kids ready for school or while cooking dinner. Take time to process their feelings and give them time too.
Top tip: if you are not comfortable with your bisexuality yet, give it some more time before you say it out loud. Don’t rock the boat unnecessarily. It can leave a mark with your partner.
After you’ve told your partner, you may want to give your relationship a new title. Don’t. Give it some time. For now, you both have a lot to process. Allow for that to happen organically. Don’t force labels on each other. Even if your partner is initially against all of it, it may just be the first reaction. Give it time. There are some pretty big feelings involved.
This is a great way to talk about how you’re feeling with a mediator or person who can give you a different perspective. There are many couple therapists who are also specialised in non-monogamous relationships or all matters LGBTQIA+.
Free yourself of guilt
If your partner was less understanding and you feel you might separate, be true to yourself. You are not broken, you should not feel shame. If you are comfortable with your sexuality and your partner is not then you either work through it or not. But stay honest and communicate with each other.
Let’s not get into society’s stigma on the married woman wanting to explore her bi-curiousity and therefore being labelled. Seriously, you do you.
Why join the Skirt Club?
Whether you are already fully-fledged living out your bisexuality or still bi-curious and perhaps even a little shy and/or nervous, the Skirt Club will soon help you figure it out. Unlike many gentlemen’s clubs (not that I’ve been in (m)any of them but the media and history have given us enough insights) they live for creating a community feeling.
There are book clubs, online events and their webpage essentially serving as a facebook of sorts with messaging, adding friends etc. They are exactly what we need.
If you like, you could say they are the interactive, female version of a gentlemen’s club.
With different types of events they aim to please. Particularly to introduce you to the whole concept they have two specific setups:
Skirt Club is the real deal, the play party for creatures of true curiosity. (…) Skirt Club is our signature play party, held at a private home with champagne, burlesque performances, naughty games and wherever the night may take you. Held weekends.
Mini Skirt is the tighter, shorter event just as nice but not as naughty. Mini Skirt nights are held in public spaces such as a cocktail bar and are designed to be a taster to the main event. Meet fellow Skirt Club members over martinis and be dazzled by sultry performances. Held weekdays.
So, you see, it couldn’t be easier to find connections to women.
The Skirt Club is in over 50 cities!
Take charge of how you want to experience pleasure. Get back to your roots and explore your sexuality. (If you are completely lost, start here.)
We are in a time and age where we can be sexually fluid.
And if you don’t take advantage of that now, then when?
And yes, there is certainly explosive debauchery to be had complete with dominatrixes, nipple tassels, shots, burlesque shows, shibari, spin the bottle and a plethora of new experiences with women equally sick of the male gaze and being superficial.
So ignore that to-do list and head on over to the Skirt Club webpage. It is vetted and checked so be honest and real with the application. Once accepted, the world is yours to explore!
“Scratch most feminists and underneath there is a woman who longs to be a sex object, the difference is that is not all she longs to be.”― Betty Rollin