How to talk dirty without embarrassing yourself
A valuable analysis & how-to of dirty talk
Dirty talk has a bad reputation nowadays with the porn industry quick to have us believe it’s all about hardcore slang and derogatory terms. But, if done respectfully and with mutual consent (and a pinch of humor and modesty) it can really spice things up and get you out of your head.
Firstly, let’s tidy up with the idea that dirty talk involves spewing abusive (porn) profanities at your significant other (SO) during sex.
Moreover, there are so many different aspects to dirty talk that you can consider and use nowadays. You just need to know how.
That’s where we come in. This article will cover dirty talk and its ins and outs including what, how, where and when. Here’s a quick overview:
Table of Contents
What is dirty talk?
There are lots of synonyms for dirty talk and to be fair, they are all quite derogatory. Erotic talk and love talk are the closest thing to what it actually means but — honestly — it is a tool we can use to become more verbal with our wishes and desires and almost a vice in giving ourselves confidence. Think of it as a mate helping you achieve your dreams and goals. Dirty talk, whether really filthy, explicit or not, will help you verbalize your sexual desires and enhance your your sex life.
It is proven, that it can stimulate your imagination and the frontal cortex, which is where we find our pleasure area.
Too many (in particular) women’s magazines glorify talking dirty as a way to please your partner. But we want to get to the more selfish part of it. So grab a coffee and read on.
Is dirty talk for me?
Not everyone likes talking during sex. And that’s totally ok.
I don’t know about you but I have an inner monologue in my head during sex.
I’m thinking — mmh, this is good — or — yes, ooh, let’s shake this up and have a toy involved. If this resonates in you, then dirty talk might work for you. If your partner is non-verbal during sex, it might not.
If you decide to try dirty talk, consider what mindset you are in beforehand as this can have consequences later on. When we immerse in this intense and high energy exchange and are already in a heightened negative headspace then the session may reveal trauma. So be sure you are in a good place and check in on each other.
Open communication & consent
We live in a world where talking about sex is becoming easier.
Our partners should be a safe haven we can turn to to voice our desires & wishes.
Therefore, this also applies for dirty talk. Ask when you could have a little chat about it (your partner may be taken by surprise and not know at first what they think about it), mention it casually over dinner or plant a seed in their mind that may come to fruition in the near future.
Be aware that they may have qualms because they don’t know how to “do it” or don’t know if they’ll be comfortable. Consequently, reassure them that you are in it together and you can stop anytime (use a safe word if you like; check out some of these) and additionally, guide them if they don’t know where to start (this article is a great way in, send it to them!).
To sum up, ease in slowly. Try not to whip out the big guns and explicit words when you’ve not even crossed the foreplay. Think of it as a slow build-up. You want to create some sexual tension. Dirty talk works best if you see it like a first date.
Build that magic, the spark and then the real dirty talk will come naturally.
For example, if you want to try it in the evening, throw in some cheeky things during the day. A spicy text message, a hug and cheeky whisper of what you’re going to do to them. If anything, it will keep you connected and thinking about each other all day. Can you see how beneficial dirty talk can be without saying rude words?
Be experimental with the different forms of dirty talk (further examples in this article).
What kind of dirty talk is for me?
Most importantly; try not to be someone you are not. Me? I am a bit of a joker. Saying rude words makes me giggle (yes, I was the one red in the face when we talked about willies and fannys in school). Don’t change who you are when you approach the subject of dirty talk. Because I smirk when I say dirty things, I like to use words like willy and describe my yoni as “her”. For the actual act I do like to use the word “fuck” but similarly, it depends on the situation and my mood.
Whether sensual dirty talk like “You feel incredible” or the more freaky examples of “Fuck me harder” you need to find and evolve what works for you.
But trust me, it will liberate your sexual experience.
Different forms of dirty talk
The different places you can apply dirty talk are diverse:
- In bed (duh)
- By text message
- Written form (notes, e-mails etc)
- Public places (taboo, much?)
- On the phone
When you use dirty talk there is always the possibility that there will be a certain amount of humiliation, loss of control and physical or psychological intensification of emotions.
Dirty talk can be enveloping and hypnotic, which makes it even more important to return to a reality and normality after the sex.
Again, communication is of essence. No matter how you choose to care for your partner’s well-being, dirty talk requires a consensual before, during and after the session.
Physical care: stroking, kissing, cuddling, tending to any physical issues/injuries, foster intimacy, catering to nutritional needs.
Emotional care: communication, affirmation that you enjoyed it or opening up about what wasn’t comfortable, asking questions and truly connecting about the shared experience.
Both the more dominant partner as well as the submissive needs to come down from the headspace they have experienced and this needs to happen consciously as to avoid any anxiety or feelings of shame.
Dirty talk can be a key to healing previous trauma.
How to talk dirty
So now let’s get to the nitty gritty, the HOW.
If this is all new to you, and you don’t normally sound like a Brigitte Bardot whispering sensually in your significant other’s’ ear (like me) then there are a few key things to bear in mind. For instance:
- Say it clearly and slowly.
- Take breaks
(don’t bombard your SO with all the words).
- Put emphasis on the naughty words
(particularly if slang is not your thing).
- Less is more; you’re not a drill instructor. Choose your words wisely.
- Don’t be ambiguous: say what you mean as directly as possible or misunderstandings will most certainly occur.
Try not to force things. That normally does the trick.
Likewise, try to appeal to all the senses. Use rich descriptive words together with the senses to quickly describe what you like about your partner.
- Smell: You smell delicious
- Vision: Your tits look phenomenal
- Hearing: I love the sound of you spanking me.
- Touch: Grab my ass.
- Taste: Your cum tastes incredible.
This will all feel easier over time. Keep your own senses heightened.
Try to avoid the conjunctive? What do I mean by that? To clarify,
instead of “I would like” try “I want you to”.
See how that makes a huge difference?
Use all the synonyms such as: bite, lick, rub, touch, kiss, hug, fondle, finger, caress, stroke, flick, whack, spank, pound, tickle, whip, pinch, knead, massage …
If you’re rocking the boat by trying this, then be sure to reassure your partner when they venture into these unknown lands. Confirm that what they are saying feels good to you. Try:
I love when…
That makes me feel..
I’m so wet right now…
You are turning me on …
When I think of you I want to …
Dirty Talk Examples
Both the really freaky stuff and the gentler side of things. These are chosen at random and the genitalia are examples. These are interchangeable with others or toys or other. See it as a pick ’n’ mix and have a field day!
The foreplay by text, whispers etc.:
Tonight I’m going to make you scream my name.
I’m home alone, naked and thinking of you.
I can’t wait until you get home.
You cock / pussy and my cock / pussy should get together tonight.
I have a surprise for you when you get home.
I want your pussy / cock / body.
I’m addicted to you.
I can see you chewing on your lip, that makes me so wet.
I want you to dominate me.
I’m not wearing underwear.
I just want to stay in bed and fuck all day.
I want to surrender to you entirely.
I’ve been very bad today, I think I need a spanking.
I want you to use me and make me yours.
Thinking of you makes me so horny / wet feel tingly all over.
I can’t concentrate at all, I keep thinking about last night / when I masturbated thinking about you.
(Taboo places/public etc.) If we were on our own right now, I would do naughty things to you.
Do you know how much I want you?
Wake me with your tongue tomorrow morning.
I need your warm body beside me. Your touch. Your kiss.
You can also send suggestive photos!
Pull my hair / slap / rub / pinch / grab / bite.
You taste incredible.
Shut up and fuck me.
Get on your knees.
I’m going to suck your balls dry tonight.
I love when you lick me.
I love your dick / pussy.
I want your hands on me.
I want you in me.
I’m going to make you orgasm so hard.
I want to taste you / your cum / your juices.
I want to rip your clothes off right now.
Make me come with your tongue.
Fuck me harder.
Do you like how I fuck you?
Make me your bitch.
Fill me with your cock.
Fuck me like a slut.
Do you want more? Say please.
Beg for it.
I won’t let you cum until you’re begging for it.
I can still taste you.
You were so fucking hard when you were inside me.
I loved it when you …
When you … it made me feel a little uncomfortable.
Maybe next time we can …
Sometimes we are at a loss for words to describe aspects of sex and body parts so here are a few to get you started. But most importantly: if it feels weird saying any of them, then don’t! Stick to the words you are comfortable with.
Big Ben, bishop, bone, burrito, captain, chub, cock, Conan the Barbarian, corn dog, creamsicle, cream stick, Cupid’s arrow, cyclops, dagger, dick, dickie, dicktator, ding-a-ling, dip stick, Dirty Harry, disco stick, dong, Don Juan, Donkey Kong, Excalibur, family jewels, fire hose, fishing rod, fuck pole, gearstick, Goliath, heat-seeking love-missile, hose, hot dog, hung, Jimmy, joystick, junk, king dong/kong, knob, magic stick, light saber, little soldier, long john, love staff, meat, member, merrymaker, middle leg, miracle meat, missile launcher, Moby Dick, mushroom head, noodle, one-eyed monster/sailor, package, pee-pee, penicorn, Percy, pipe, pocket piccolo, pocket rocket, pogo stick, pole, Popeye, prick, ram rod, shaft, shlong, slut stick, stick shift, sword, third leg, tool, trouser snake, wang, weenie, willy…
Altar of love, bacon strips, bear claw, bearded clam, beaver, bush, cake, clam burger, coochy, crack, cranny, crease, crevice, crotch, cunt, downtown, fanny, flower, fort bushy, fur, fuzz, kitty, gash, growler, ham wallet, harbour of hope, honeypot, hooha, juice box, kitten, lady bits, love canal, Medusa, minge, Miss Nancy, muff, naughty purse, pink taco, pleasure pit, pocket, poonany, powder box, pussy, rabbit hole, sideways smile, slot, snatch, tulip, tunnel of love, vag, va-j-j, vertical smile, whisker biscuit, yoni, zipper…
Arse, backend, backside, backyard, behind, booty, bottom, bum, bumper, buns, butt, buttocks, caboose, can, candy apples, cheeks, culo, derriere, fanny, junk in the trunk, heinie, hindquarters, moon, keister, posterior, rear, rear end, rump, stern, seat, tail, tail end, tooshie, trunk, tush, yeasty buns…
A hole, arsehole, back burner, backdoor, backdoor trumpet, balloon knot, black hole, blind eye, brown eye, bunghole, butt hole, button, chocolate speedway/starfish, pucker, round eye, rusty bullet hole, servant’s entrance, spunk bucket, starfish…
Bollocks, balls, bangers, bird’s eggs, clangers, cojones, cullions, danglers, eggs, family jewels, glands, goolies, jewels, love apples, marbles, nards, nuts, plums, pounders, rocks, seeds, stones, swingers…
apples, bazongas, bee stings, bongos, boobs, bosom, bouncers, breasticles, bumpers, bust, butter bags, cantaloupes, chest, chesticles, chitty chitty bang bangs, cleavage, coconuts, cupcakes, dirty pillows, flesh bombs, fun bags, gazongas, the girls, globes, grapefruits, flapjacks, hangers, hills, honkers, hooters, hot dog buns, humps, itty bitty titties, jolly jigglers, jugs, jumbos, knockers, the ladies, loaves, mangoes, melons, milkshakes, muffins, niblets, nose warmers, nubbies, nubs, oranges, orbs, pancakes, peaches, pears, pillows, pumpkins, puppies, scones, shimmies, snuggle pups, sugar lumps, sun deck, ta tas, Thelma and Louise, tidbits, tits, titties, tooters, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, twins, watermelons, whoppers, window washers…
Action, bang, be intimate, boing, boink, bone, bonk, bump nasties, bump, bump uglies, bury the bone, coitus, consummate, copulate, couple up, dance the mattress jig, do the deed, do the nasty, fornicate, four-legged frolic, freak, fuck, get a piece, get into your pants, get some, go all the way, go to town, grind, hanky panky, hit it, horizontal mambo/tango, hump, joy ride, jump your bones, knock boots, lock crotches, love, make babies/it/love/whoopee, make sexy time, mate, mess around, mount, nail, nookie, peg, pin, plow, plug, poke, pound, pump, ram, ride, rail, romp, score, screw, shag, tumble…
Aroused, bulging, dripping, estrus, frisky, fuckish, gamy, hot, hot and bothered, in heat/the mood/season, itchy pants, juicy, moist, randy, wet…
Buttermilk, cream, cum, dick juice, dick milk, ejaculate, glue, gravy, honey, hot milk, jam, jelly, jism, jizz, juice, load, love liquor, man oil, marrow, ointment, pudding, scum, seed, soap, sperm, splooge, spume, spunk, swimmers, tallow, wad, white honey, yogurt…
Big bang, blow your load, bust your nut, cream, cum, drop your load, fire a shot, get off, get your rocks off, number three, nut, pop a nut, shoot, shoot your wad, spill one’s seed, squirt…
Beat the beaver, clap the clit, finger fuck, fluff the muff, get in touch with your feminine side, grease the gash, paddle the pink canoe, pet the poodle, rub one out, slam the clam, tickle the taco, two-finger tango, vagina monologue, vibing out, waxing the turtle shell…
Visuals to share
Here is a little video of all the most important things to keep an eye out for and to help you navigate the choppy waters of dirty talk:
A final word
Above all and in conclusion, be cheeky. A sparkle in the eye is the perfect way to go about this. Stay open to feedback (good and bad), keep in tune with your partner and try to be aware of any reluctance if they are not feeling too vocal yet and have fun.
Nothing in sex should feel forced.
And if it isn’t for you, move on and try something different.
There is so much to explore in the wonderful world of sex!
So incase you didn’t take it all in. Dirty talk can/will:
- build trust in the relationship
- open new possibilities in your sexual relations
- help you understand your needs and wants better
- create sexual tension sometimes weeks beforehand
- cause stimulation without any physical touch
- connect with your partner on a whole new level.
Need some more inspiration? Check out our short story: Dirty Sally.
And here’s the music to go with your little session.
Now go forth and talk sexy!